Rat Pack
Maddie: Mom, is my purse with the red polka dots in my backpack?
Joseph: She sure is a pack rat. Hey, pack rat, rat pack!
Me: You know what the Rat Pack was? A group of actors in the 60s…have you ever heard of Frank Sinatra?
Joseph: That reminds me of snot. Hey, I’m Frank Snotra! *laughs uncontrollably* Snot…traaaaa!
Joseph Writes: How to Make a Cheeseburger
First get two buns.
Next, put the cheese on.
After that, put the burger on the cheese.
Finally, put the ketchup on the burger.
Put the other bun on the burger.
Lifeguards
Maddie: Why are there lifeguards at pools?
Me: Well if someone gets in trouble in the water, if they can’t swim, then the lifeguard jumps in to save them. You know Uncle Matt was a lifeguard?
Joseph: I’ll bet he saved a lot of girls!
Maddie: And boys!
Joseph: Probably mostly girls.
Joseph Writes: When I’m 100
When I am 100 years old…. “I will wear glasses and a jacket and I will probably sleep all day. I will say: Howdy!”
New Diet
Joseph: Everybody, tonight is the last night of me being an omnivore. I’m changing into a vegetarian!
Maddie: I’m going to change into a butterfly!
(Later that evening.)
Joseph: Wait–can vegetarians eat brownies?
Maddie: Maybe I’m going to change into a spider, they roll up their food and suck blood out of bugs’ skins.
Maddie Dreams
Mom, do you know what I was just dreaming about? A princess fell and cut her leg and had to go to the hospital.
Which princess?
Snow White.
Did they fix her up at the hospital?
Yeah. Her leg was bleeding a lot. A LOT. They had to put a really big bandaid on her.
Oh wow. How did she fall?
She was on stilts and the Seven Dwarves pushed her.
Joseph Writes: Appreciation
To mommy and daddy:
“I ❤️ you guys because of the things that you do for me!”
The Performer
Joseph played his songs then turned and said, “Well? Where’s my applaudience?”
Joseph Writes: Danger!
I was on the phone when Joseph got home from school, so he urgently wrote out these notes:
“Logs on the driveway!”
“Dad won’t get through!”
Joseph Writes: A Recipe for Sand Pudding
First
Get 1 graham cracker, 1 ziploc, 1 vanilla pudding cup and 1 spoon.
Next
Put the graham in the bag.
Then
I crushed it with my fist.
After That
Spoon it in the pudding.
Finally
I eat it.
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